FMLTTM

Hi humansssssssss.
punched out at 12 today, freaking tired and am moodless to work.
My mind is filled with P3 P3 and more P3.
I'm looking forward to it yet I'm scared of it.
I'm fucking worried that I can't handle it.
But I've an idea which story I wanna do on and have some shots in mind.
I'm just fucking afraid that I can't execute it.
My worst of the worst nightmare, individual work.
Finding the crew and talent might be the most difficult part for me.
I've nobody to turn to.
I haven't help in any seniors' work, I don't have contacts with any seniors.
I can't turn to my peers cos EVERYONE is busy with their own P3 too.
I'm neither a good scriptwriter, a good cameraman, a good DOP nor anything.
I'm not good in anything.
I wish there will be help when I need it.
Now I seriously need alot of motivation, encouragement and help.
Or I might just give up like that.
FML.
You can point your fingers and laugh at me at such a state.
By doing that, you're the worst loser.
You won't understand how I feel cos you're not me.
The amount of stress is unbearable.
I can't help but to compare myself with others.
I know talk is cheap.
I know I have to do something to solve these problems.
But let me rant, I need to let it out some way else imma explode.
This is only P3, what about FYP.
I can't think positively, I can't look on the bright side.
I JUST CAN'T.
If I were to break down all of a sudden, just ignore me.
I realise I can't help myself at all, what a joke.

I wouldn't mind if someone stabs me right now.
I wouldn't mind if someone tortures me mentally right now.
Hi hater, you can kill me right now.
This way, things would end faster.
(:


I wanna shun reality.