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Thursday, March 29, 2007 @ 7:55 PM everythings so not right. NOOOO. nothings going well. u asked to TAKE A BREAK for a week. i dont know what u actually mean. i dont know what u are thinking. is it a REST or a STOP. big difference u know. love can be PAUSED..? why do u need a break. why should i need a break. are there reasons behind..? what are the reasons then. so many many questions went through my mind. but i dident dared to ask. im scared that it might worsen the situation. i know our r/s wasnt that stable. no its not. and those freaking feelings are coming back. what does it mean. wish i could sort out what im thinking now. why those feelings again. everything happens at the WRONG TIME. totally messed up. just when i need someone. someone to just accompany me. theres NO ONE THERE. no such thing as sister. she just ignored when i smsed her. hard to blame her too, due to the conflicts we had before. when i thought we are on good terms again. im wrong. talking to a primary 6 boy doesnt help either. and at that point. i felt so so lost. cant decide what to do. this dident happen before. i really dont know what to do. or what should i do. i dont know what to think. i`ve been thinking of the worst situation. or maybe im over-reacting. everything`s fine isnt it. what the fuck. im so confused. am i suppose to be sad, and cry..? im kind of sad, but no tears..? so weird, why like this. shouldnt i be tearing and emoing. but why its as if nothing happened. i seem so alright. am i acting happy or is it... im thinking if u even care. u said thats what u wanted. what does that mean. that sentence stunned me. it makes me feel like u dont even give a damn. felt so insecure, so afraid. do u care about me at all..? i just want to know what u`re thinking. after one week. and we will see. thats next thursday. memories flashed back. its been a month and nine days. i love u. do u still..? im aching all over. having a damn backache. cant bend here and there. the burnt part on my hand looked a little disgusting. abit of skin coming off. a little bit only. and my gums hurts too. i hit my gums with my toothbrush, real hard. i wish CCA can step down soon. im staying back almost everyday for choir. its really very tiring, after the whole day of lessons. need time to rest. always not enough sleep. but im sleeping early everyday. slept around 11pm. YET im still so sleepy the next day. plus the weather is so warm these few days. im DROWNED in thoughts. i feel pain inside. tears can ease the pain inside of me. but theres no tears coming out. theres nothing to ease the pain. so painful. sad. ):  me and jocelyn in the field toilet. cant see my face. there. our blurred faces. its zoomed in one what. found this pic in weijie`s phone. CAMP..! missed it. |
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